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...{ kyle's stupid blog }...
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Friday May 30, 2008 (01:32pm) Lost in Rant-ation I haven't ranted in awhile. But I'll tell you, this rant is LONG overdue. I fucking hate the TV show Lost. And if you didn't know that, then you better write it down because it’s goddamned important. In the beginning, Lost was just this annoying TV show on ABC that I simply ignored. I actually remember thinking that the show wouldn’t last two seasons. But it did last. So, after a few seasons, my entire group of family and friends were assimilated as Lost fans (or “Losties”, as I call them) so I broke down and started watching Lost from the beginning. I made it about 20 episodes in and gave it. It was easily the most ridiculous piece of shit I’d ever seen on TV. Only bad soap opera’s like Passions can even come close the crazy, unexplainable, 100% unbelievable bullshit on Lost. I grew to hate the show from there on, but as I started hating Lost it seemed that everyone else in the world was liking it more and more. And even More and More. And yet even still MORE AND MORE. And just when I thought that the world couldn't love the TV Lost anymore, guess what? They found a way. How did they do it? They made it more than just a TV show. Lost is no longer just a TV show. It's like a virus. It’s found it’s way out of people’s television screens and into their minds. It affects their daily lives. They think about it when they’re at work, when they’re trying to sleep, when they’re talking with friends, and even when they drive (click here). It's infected every Lost fan and turned them into mindless drones who can't stop thinking about, talking about, or trying to understand what the hell is going on in the show. Have you watched the local news recently? Lost is so out of control that it's become NEWSWORTHY. Sure, let's just forget about the war in Iraq, the election, China, Myanmar, and the Olympics. Let's chew up local news time by talking about a FICTITOUS TV SHOW. Star Trek? Seinfeld? Friends? Cheers? I’ve seen more Lost “news” than all those shows COMBINED. The Lost phenomenon is more annoying than even the most classic of TV phenomena’s, Star Trek. I would take a Trekkie over a Lostie any day. Star Trek was a show that had redeeming qualities: it preached world unity, explored possible technologies of the future, and took a rather straightforward approach to story telling. Lost preaches contradictions, unbelievable plots twists, and that we should all fear what I can only describe as “supernatural magical monsters.” So what if Star Trek was written as ridiculously as Lost is? Here's an example of a normal Star Trek episode: Flying through space, meet a strange alien civilization, a problem arises, Kirk saves the day, and then they all fly away happily. But if Star Trek was written like Lost, this is how it would happen: Flying through space, meet a strange race of intelligent brooms, Kirk stares at the broom leader for 10 straight minutes, there's a flashback where we find out Sulu accidentally killed three broom people with his mind before he joined Star Fleet, the creepy music starts to play, a mysterious cloud of smoke emanates from Spock’s pants which is never fully explained, a magical half-panda/half-elf/half-being of pure energy enters the room and casts a Level 4 Love spell on McCoy, causing him to start making out with one of the brooms, and then in the end a giant alligator eats the Enterprise and they all die. But wait, it wasn't an alligator, it was a koala bear! So does that mean they’re still alive? Just before we find out what happened we see Captain Kirk wake up and we realize it was all just a dream. And then we see Billy Ray Cyrus wake up and we realize that it was all his dream. That's right. Billy Ray Cyrus dreamt that Captain Kirk dreamt that the Enterprise was eaten by an alligator. Or was it a koala bear? We'll have to wait until next season to find that out, after about 14 months of nothing but reruns. I'm sure if you are reading this you are a Lostie, because let's face it: I'm the only person I know that can see how horrible of a TV show Lost truly is. It's one of the most alienating feelings I've ever had, to see all my friends and family become so unbelievably engrossed in a TV show that I absolutely hate. If only I could find other people that share my feelings about the show... http://www.whylostsucks.com/ http://www.whylostsucks.com/category/10-reasons-why-lost-sucks/ http://lostsucks.blogspot.com/ There we go! Finally, people who actually get how bad of a show Lost is! You have no idea how good it feels to connect with people who see the same crap I see when I watch Lost. It warms my heart, it really does. What's that? You don't agree with me? Fine. Go ahead and post a comment. Go ahead and try to defend your favorite TV show. Because you can't. The only arguement that a Lost fan can make as to why it's so ridiculous is to say that "it's just a TV show." But as I already stated, Lost has become more than just a TV show. To defend Lost you would have to downplay the phenomenon that the show spawned, and that would lose you the credibility needed to defend the show as a true Lostie. I’m done ranting for now, but I will never stop loathing the TV show Lost. And to all you Losties out there: Do me a favor. Take a magic marker and write the words “I am a Lostie!” on your forehead. You might need a friend to write it for you, so the best thing to do is wait until your next “Fans of Lost” support meeting and make it a group project. Kyle
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