Top Five Times I Was Almost Arrested
5.) The time I hired a hooker to go down and wait in line for Tool tickets
4.) That time I was caught on tape by an undercover police officer admitting I use mayo instead of butter on my grilled cheese sandwiches
3.) The time I almost caused a riot when I said Raphael was the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
2.) The time I gave that cop the middle finger I found near the crime scene
1.) The time I mailed a jar of my farts to the White House